Grief…We’ve All Been There and Done That
On some level, due to the ever-changing nature of life, we are always in some stage of grief. Whether disappointed with results and feeling the loss (or fearing the loss) of a dream, or healing from the loss of a relationship, a job, or any other major life transition, grieving seems to be part of a natural cycle of growth and evolution.
In 2007, my family and I and experienced the loss of seven family members and friends. Some were total shockers, like my brother-in-law, who was living with us at the time, being killed in a car accident and the father of my daughter’s best friend committing suicide. Others gave us a little more time to prepare, with aging and long term illnesses fostering little expectation of recovery. I was also honored to guide several loved ones in a graceful and beautiful transition, and began to see healing as something well beyond “curing.”
There were other major transitions just around the corner, such as moving to what ended up seeming like a foreign country, my younger brother’s journey with cancer (he’s completely cancer free now!), the purposeful (albeit difficult) ending of relationships with people and spiritual communities that were more damaging than nourishing, and the deaths of two beloved, furry, four legged family members.
Heck, even my recent computer crash and the loss of a lot of information, brought up grief (and all of the stories that go along). In each situation, regardless of how much “seriousnesss” we assign to it, I found, over and over again, a common thread in what determined an empowered response; one that expanded and grew me, and elevated me towards what I am now calling a RESILIANT RESPONSE.
A MOMENT OF CHOICE
This weekend, yet again, I faced a moment of extreme choice. I observed all of my little internal victims lining up, waiting to see if I would call on them. I also heard the voices (very loudly and clearly) that have coached me through God knows how many losses and transitions – into healing and expansion.
Although not tied to the loss of something, or someone that was permanent, it was an incredible experience of complete surrender. In the surrendering we create both the space and the invitation to welcome in something spectacular, but only when we fully release our hold on something that will only create pain and suffering. This is especially true when we choose to hang on to a story of victimization, or if we lock our mind around an idea that we are being punished, or use the situation or loss as evidence that we are unfortunate, or worse yet, that we’ve been forsaken in some way!
So, here I was finally working on something that I’ve been patiently awaiting guidance and direction on for almost a year! Something shifted last week and 8 hours of some of the most heavenly inspired writing resulted in an unquestionable masterpiece! I was actually in tears as the words flowed onto my screen. I called my husband into my office and read it to him aloud.
He said “wow!” “I know huh? Pretty amazing….”
Not three minutes later, something very weird happened. It just disappeared. Two days of incredibly inspiring writing, for what may be one of the most important projects and creations to date, was GONE. Even the autosave feature (fyi, Word 97 has some weird glitches I didn’t know about) didn’t function in the way it is PROGRAMMED. The autosave version was dated two days earlier. All the NEW, brilliant, creative work from the past two days was gone, gone, gone.
The ARMY Lined Up
I observed a little army of angry, hurt, abandoned little victims lining up at the proverbial door, ready to jump into active duty if I called them up. I overheard one of them say, “Well, maybe it’s a sign that you shouldn’t be doing this.” Another one whispered, “She should just end it all right now, seriously it really isn’t worth it.”
I looked to see if other lines (of my inner heroes) were forming. Nope. Rather, it was just this field of complete peace and surrender, and… a VOICE. Loudly and clearly, I heard, “We just need to make sure you are really committed. This was the only way we could know.”
“Oh, I’m committed.” I responded, fighting back tears of frustration.
“Good, it will be better the second time around. If it came through you once (thanks for being so open, by the way), it can come into presence in your mind again.”
”So, start over? I don’t even have any notes.”
“Start over. You are being given the opportunity to practice what you preach and spontaneously detach and surrender.”
“And TRUST, be willing, and demonstrate my commitment, right?”
“Yep, you got it.”
“OK.”
What Would LOVE Look Like?
I also was connected to a theme we laid out for The Awakening the Healer Within group this week; one focused on choosing to allow LOVE to see, speak, listen and act through us each and every moment over this last week.
“What would love look like in this moment?” I asked myself…”What would it NOT look like?”
“Love would look like getting a glass of water, and starting over. It wouldn’t give up or even shut down for the day.” So, that’s what I did. I started over.
On top of this bizarre chain of events, a very important (and really good) audio from a class I taught Thursday night was not on the system to download and post. In fact, something like 129 MP3 files (so about 260 hours) just simply disappeared from the online system. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Oh well, it will be fun to teach it again…what else can I do?” I observed myself in a completely surrender response. No stress. No anger. No regret. Just complete surrender. It was DELICIOUS!
So within three minutes of losing my supposed masterpiece, I started all over again. I saved it everywhere I could think and in those split second moments when I heard myself think, “You’ll never be able to write the same words as you had before,” I said, “Who cares?”
About five hours later, with just enough time to jump in the shower and get ready for a ceremony we were facilitating before heading out for a valentine’s day diner, I passed the document along to a friend and colleague to read. She did so, twice. I checked in and she was mesmerized by both the preceding experience and what I had been able to “re-birth,” without missing a punch.
“Wow!” she said…
“I know huh? Pretty amazing….”
“Wow! This is going to be huge.” She said.
The ceremony was amazing, dinner was wonderful, and everything just flowed in perfection.
What Allows for a Quick Turn Around?
Later, as I reflected on what empowered and allowed such a quick recovery and turn around, here is what I observed – and this applies to everything – not just a computer crash, or a lost document. I can look back and see this same recipe fueling healing and reconciliation, over and over again, even with situations that we consider the “biggies.”
Some components may take some time. All require practice. In reality, this list of Eight Components for Cultivating a Resilient Response can serve us in day-to-day living. And, on a side note, I am using the words “had” and “need” very purposefully, absent of any ego involvement or any energy around “shoulding all over myself.”
Eight Components for Cultivating a Resilient Response
1. Willingness – I needed to stay willing so the creativity could enter into my mind and flow easily again without any resistant energy getting in the way (like anger, frustration, pain). I also had to be willing to detach, surrender, trust, stay in faith and move into aligned demonstration, quickly, absent of giving any energy whatsoever to drama, hopelessness or victim thinking. I need to remain willing to do my part in what is an amazing co-creative process and allow the rest to unfold.
2. Spontaneous Detachment and Surrender– I had to immediately detach from both the lost creation (and the results I was predicting) as well as the victim story that was attempting to flood my consciousness. I had to detach from my own pictures, the outcome, and any tendency to compare the first draft and the second draft. I surrendered so I could allow for something better to emerge and fully partner in my own energy and presence. Detaching and Surrendering go hand in hand. If attached to a particular picture, we can’t surrender to the emergence of something far beyond our current imagination – and perception of what is possible.
3. Instant Forgiveness - I instantly forgave myself for not saving the document to my external hard drive. I forgave all of the parts of me that were tempted to feel victimized. I forgave Microsoft for not continuing with the autosave feature as I had been accustomed. I also forgave myself for thinking I had wasted time. Unforgiveness is a powerful energy blocker. It creates incredible instability and creates static in our frequency. It is also UNAATRACTIVE and UNWELCOMING to beauty, love, creativity and healing. When blocked in any way, the first thing I ask, is what is needing to be forgiven?
4. Depersonalizing the Experience – This is HUGE. Our human tendency is to make everything personal. It’s like all of our intelligence gets shoved out the window. Whether an automatic response to an “undesired” event or loss, or a response to someone else’s mood, or the words that come from a place of hurt or frustration (or fear), we would engage in emergence much easier if we just didn’t make it personal. Let go. Get over it and on with it. Don’t dwell in the story you are tempting to make up. It’s just not worth the distraction and drain to your total creative energy!
5. Trust – I needed to trust that if magic had manifested itself through me once, it would do so again. I had to trust that the ease at which the first version had flowed would duplicate itself. I had to trust that what needed to be written through me, would speak to me again. I also needed to trust that this was what I was supposed to be creating and not go into stories that validated an illusionary sign that it just wasn’t meant to be and this was the Universe’s way of telling me to give it up. When connected to my center and my Source, I know, absent of any doubt, that this project is a LEGACY and Purpose Driven creation. Since there is no question, there should never be any more questions. It just is…no matter what.
6. Commitment – This was, by far, a challenge that tested my commitment on many levels. Commitment to a much larger vision and commitment to consistently engage in the aligned behaviors that will keep me on both a desired and destined trajectory.
7. Faith – slightly different than trust, faith in my ability to recover and re-create or create beauty has actually been a consistent aspect of my life path. I have had my share of miraculous experiences that have grounded my faith in ways that nothing and no one could ever get me to waver on. As much as my humanness still pops up (especially when tied to time, money, or perceived rejection) my faith is actually quite strong. Faith in myself is a whole different story. So, I chose to be in faith and knew that I needed to clear out any and all fear before I jumped back in. This is essential – to create only from faith and not allow fear energy to infuse what I am putting out to the world – and God.
8. Demonstration – I quickly, without any excuse or justifiable reasons, move back into demonstration of my faith. I believe that God responds to demonstrations of faith, much more so than to problems. My behaviors needed to remain aligned with the trajectory. Demonstration of the prior 7 Components is key. Asking, “What would surrender look like and not like like…in this moment?” reveals amazing wisdom and clarity around WHAT IS YOUR’S TO DO AND BE.
It’s All About the Questions
How can I demonstrate willingness in this moment? What is asking to be forgiven? How can I demonstrate my willingness and commitment right here and now? In what am I being asked to trust? How might I step more firmly into faith?
These are all questions that will guide you towards a much higher will for your life – one you may not see, imagine, or even think possible. Yet, parts of you know. Parts of you believe. And parts of you don’t. The question is…what part of you do you want leading your life?
Personally, I wish to make the space for the grandest, boldest, bravest, most creative, whole, positive, imaginative, brilliant, loving, and trusting parts of me to be in charge – and to perceive the world around me. And, sometimes, getting out of the way is all we can do. In the long run…when we can actually look back, it’s all perfect in its unfolding anyway.
And, so it is, and it is so…
© 2010, Anita Pathik Law
Get a few free audios at www.powerofmyway.com/awakeningthehealerwithin.html and www.powerofmyway.com/newreality.html
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