I’ve just returned to a life that once seemed completely normal and wanted. Tornadoes and storms came Wednesday and caused our world to slow down significantly. The next morning, after packing by candlelight, we arrived at the wooded property where my husband would embark on his Vision Quest with two other prayerful warriors who follow the Lakota way. Each having made (physically and spiritually) 1000 prayers in preparation, they left behind all human comforts to inhabit a space deep in the woods that is the size of a small blanket. No food or water and minimal protection from the elements were the primary physical “sacrifices” as they called out for a vision in preparation for Sundance in July. Their commitment to this challenging path is beyond impressive.
Having just stepped out of one of the hottest sweat lodges I have ever been in, they prepare their peace pipes in a way that is more reverent than anything I have ever witnessed (in any faith tradition). I am brought to tears; feeling a little self conscious, hoping my bothers and sisters understand I am crying because of the immense faith and commitment I am seeing in these three amazing people. I am humbled to be in the presence of such a conscious community. Diane, the water pourer who has dedicated her life to this path—the red path as it is called—is truly the embodiment of compassion, intention, and purpose.
The three who are questing leave the camp knowing that we will drink and eat for them while they are “up on the hill.” An act of faith much more than bravery, they trust that we are so connected that we will take care of them by taking care of ourselves, by praying, and keeping the fire going. I know much of the region is suffering in the extreme heat that was left in the wake of violent storms and massive power outages. I sense the emerging synchronicities of what ultimately proved to be a metaphysically magical and powerful weekend of ceremony and support and feel the awe presencing itself within.
So, I’ve been in a world where strangers greet one another as if they were long time friends who had not seen one another for years. A world where resumes and credentials are insignificant, being of service to one another is the primary focus and desire of the people who gather to pray and do ceremony in these ancient ways. No one is worried about how much they weigh or what they look like. Pantyhose, designer clothes and hair dryers would be seen as both absurd and unnecessary, and success has nothing to do with the amount of money in someone’s bank account or how many visitors they had on their website.
I find it both intriguing and refreshing that no one has ever asked me what I do for a living or who I am connected to. Rather, we all are just taking care of each other and looking for opportunities to come back into greater alignment with the intentions of ceremony and the reasons we come together for this way of praying. I could live like this forever and am already questioning why I am holding onto so much that isn’t the me that I have become today.
I reflect on how much I have changed and sense I have barely scratched the surface of my deeper exploration. I realize I have no idea “who I want to be when I grow up.” There are so many things I just don’t care about anymore and many I am struggling to release into the truth of their irrelevance.
I sweat for the hatred and fear we still carry in our hearts. I pray for the parts of us that have so intensely lost sight of what is important and what isn’t. I wonder when--or if—we can start loving each other again, no matter who we think ourselves and others to be. I pray for clarity and peace for all beings on the planet. I acknowledge that most of what exists in the world has been born out of fear, insecurity, a sense of “not enoughness” and a desperate need to feel love and approval and I pray for a massive healing of all that keeps us feeling separate from one another.
I see spirit in everything. The 20 or so sweat dresses I’ve inherited are being shared with lovely beings that came unprepared yet obviously had no need to be. Now I know why I had to bring them all, in spite of me questioning why I didn’t just bring two for myself. We are all connected and I simply responded to a need I did not know existed. Actually, over the course of the weekend, we all saw powerful examples of the Great Mystery working quite cleverly through us all.
Mindfully preparing the lodge, I wondered how I would do when it was already 98 degrees outside and I’ve been hot for 4 days now. I’m already breaking a sweat by just cleaning the lodge and the fire keepers are melting as they mind the fire underneath the blazing hot sun.
It is so beautiful to see people serving in such bold and broad ways and I wonder why I hold on to so much in my physical life. We come together in ceremony to heal, to release ourselves from the bondage of our beliefs, fears and woundings and to pray for all people, all creatures, all of which is in existence and all of which has ever been and will ever be. The world is changing. I am changing. I know Brent will come off the hill a different man and part of me is already weary of returning to an unchanged world; one that seems to be getting even more difficult to live in for so many.
And, I question, I wonder, I pray. I also vacillate. I wonder why so many of our choices are fueled by fear. I am saddened that so few people know of these ancient ways and I am aware of how reliant the modern world is on keeping people afraid and feeling small and dependent. I begin to lose myself in the energy of the greater truths that are being revealed to me and I struggle with finding the words to pass them along.
What is usually so important and urgent becomes comically ridiculous. I move from humiliation to humility to hilarity several times over the course of the weekend (boy do I have some oddly funny stories to tell!). I can’t worry about anything because there just isn’t anything I can do and I just let myself collapse into the flow. It’s all I can do.
Even as a supporter, over the last four days I have received much more than I have given. When the simple and basic become the most sacred and desired, it shifts your perspective in ways beyond human imaginings. We enter into sweat lodge for the second time in three days. Water and a cool spot of dirt to lay my hot face on are the only manna I wish for. As I see energy and movement in the complete darkness of the lodge and feel the muddy earth cooling my hot skin, I think to myself, what else matters? In this moment, all I want is to stretch out and breathe in the cooler air that is lingering in the inch or so above this hallowed ground. I take in a gulp and my prayer is received into my awareness.
May all my reasons be pure. May I always see the beauty that surrounds me. May all people know God is working in their lives – always – even when they don’t or can’t see it.
I feel the immensity of this healing and I am brought to tears by the magic that is occurring in my life. Supporting the last two vision quests has brought two significant realizations that will forever change me. I am stunned by how the visions received by those who went out on the hill are direct responses to my own recent struggles and requests for healings. Humbled, amazed, comforted, excited, grateful, loved, supported; I feel it all so deeply. I am blessed to witness so many miracles that could never be explained away by logic or reason and I wish to share and build a ministry more than ever before.
I think I can’t go another second, my head is spinning, and then I am reminded of the millions of people who have no air conditioning and minimal access to food and clean water and I release myself into the heat again. Surrendering, I feel my breathing slowing and deepening and I begin singing in the one voice that is now accompanied by the beat of the hot drums. My prayers come yet I do not need to speak for them to be heard.
May all my reasons be pure. May all of our reasons be pure. May we remember the grace and potential of our co-existence and may we wake up to a world that has lost its taste for fear and conflict and hurtful and greedy competition. May we be mindful of our thoughts, especially the destructive ones we carry about others and all that we believe is lacking in our lives.
Mama, as they call her, one of our elders and a Sundance Mother, dances and sings the bear chant as she comes out of lodge. She stops in front of me with her eyes closed, her upper body coming up into the pose of a fierce bear as she sings the chant and lets out a series of mighty grunts. I can feel her strength and faith coming into me in a great rush of energy. Later, as Brent played his flute and I gave her healing energy to help her with a headache, she says in her prophetic and certain way, “Hmm, this is who you are; this is why you were born.”
Reentry into “normal life” is not easy this time. I am feeling both impatient and frustrated. I am glad to have electricity and running water and yet crave to live in a simpler, more honoring way. I feel as if I have wasted so much precious time on things and reasons that are becoming insignificant to why I am here. I think of all I have wasted on both worry and desire and I crave to live from a deeper meaning and purpose in all moments. I am aware I have been playing small and focusing on so much that doesn’t really matter. I’ve been wimpy, plain and simple. And, Hetchetu Welo, it is good. All good.
I know what is possible. I know how powerful we are and can see what is waiting for us when we decide we are worthy and can release all of what holds us to the perceptions and visions that are asking to change. I know that any judgments we feel towards others are reflections of our own self judgments. I am aware that I am—that we— are on the precipice of great change; individually and collectively.
As much as my heart is full, it is full for reasons that I could only express if I were looking into your eyes, touching your face, and embracing you as I would my own children. And if I was, right now, I would say this to you…
“Know you are loved and believed in. Be true to the destiny that is yours to experience, for it is how you will experience meaning and be of service to the planet. Release the excuses you’ve been traveling with and lighten the load ‘cause magic is coming. You do have some preparing to do. You’re going to be fine and you’ll understand “why” very soon. Look for the beauty and the love because they are abundant in your life and need to be acknowledged. Be good to yourself and be generous with others. Forgive what needs to be forgiven so you can make room for all that is coming your way.”
Watch The Breath of ONE, at www.hypnoticmanifestation.com/breathofone/ and pass it along if you are called to do so!
Pilamaya (thank-you) Mitakue Oyasin (all my relations),
Anita
Ms. Anita,
Thank you so much for your emails, the soul inspiring words and your awesome FEELINGS. Keep it coming and I look forward to your westward travels. One request, the native language is beautiful, but would you be so kind as to put the verbal pronounciation with it thru voice? If not, I will do my best to put it in my own words...again, Salama po (thank you) Nikki
Posted by: Nikki Marie Casey | June 09, 2008 at 08:15 PM