The last few weeks, I must admit, have been filled with a lot of opportunities (a.k.a. challenges) to live my purpose, which simply put is to Raise Consciousness and Build Bridges of Higher Understanding.
I, being the main subject, was faced with confusing obstacles...twilight zone types of happenings, most out of my control and many causing me to take a real hard look at what is most important.
As one of my mentors, Dr. Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, says..."What Matters Most?"
When it comes right down to it, what matters most is love and relationships. I learned this 10 years ago when I made the choice to free myself from the bondage of chronic pain and a diagnosis that threatened to drastically shorten my life. The choice to heal my body (and mind and soul) caused me to also see that my first marriage was not supportive of me healing from a disease that was slowly killing me.
$20,000, 1.5 years, and a whole lifetime of lost possessions, a home, and a sense of security later, I met Brent, and my heart began to sing again. Looking back, maybe my heart began to sing for the first time, and instantly, I was given what I need to create the space for me to experience wholeness and healing.
At the time, I didn't realize that the decision to leave my first marriage would be so devastating. Unable to find a place I could afford with two babies (1 year and 3 years at the time) I moved into two rooms at my mom's house.
I'll never forget the night I left. Packing up my Honda Accord with what I could fit meant really looking at what was most important. It came down to clothes and picture albums. Little did I know that I would never see, let alone retrieve my possessions, yet, after a few months of sharing a room with my oldest daughter, I realized that home is not about where you live, what you own or what you collect.
Home was about being surrounded by the people you love. Home was about being in a place where healing could occur. Home was about being able to be authentic and receiving the simple blessings of living a life that fostered peace and joy.
Years later, when I look back at what I chose to "walk away" from, I am struck with the realization that it isn't the furniture, my computer, mountain bike, dishes, lamps, family heirlooms, or even my very cool mountainside home that I miss from that chapter of life. Interestingly enough, it isn't even some of my childhood possessions, like Cream Puff, my stuffed teddy bear who kept me company and knew all of my hopes and dreams.
In an odd way, it was the security that I miss the most - interesting since I was unhappy - but yes, security was what I left behind.
I am often heard quoting an unknown source, who said "sometimes the certainty of misery is so much easier than the misery of uncertainty."
Think about it. How often do we choose to stay in miserable jobs, relationships, thought patterns and emotional states because the uncertainty of change causes so much resistance and fear in us?
My whole life became uncertain. I was uncertain whether I would live, uncertain if I would keep my children, uncertain about how I would support two babies on a government salary, and uncertain about what the future would bring.
Thank God the pain of staying the same finally grew stronger than the pain of changing. I knew I was dying and I didn't want to. I was dying in body, mind and spirit and I didn't want to. Sometimes desperation leads to inspiration and in my most desperate hour of pain and uncertainty, leaving that night (and driving 4 hours in a blizzard to my mom's house) was the first step in claiming my right to "life, freedom and the pursuit of happiness."
It was not an easy choice. From a security standpoint, I have never financially recovered from my divorce, custody battle, and losing my home, years of hard work and countless possessions. Thankfully, along the way I also lost (or gave up) a bunch of illusions that kept me in my self-made nightmare for as long as I did.
All in all, what I lost was never more important than what I gained - love, faith, forgiveness and healing.
So, today, as I look at the current set of growth opportunities I am blessed with this simple knowing. As long as I have love, faith, forgiveness and healing (and this applies to my thoughts, behaviors and relationships), I am blessed with what is most important.
And, even if this was the last day of my life, I could easily look back at the living legacy I have co-created with my husband and co-creative partner, Brent Law (see www.brentlawmusic.com and www.powerofmyway.com ) and our five children, family and an incredible group of soulful friends and say, "yes, I have lived a good life, am surrounded by people who love me and I have touched a lot of people."
Sure, there are challenges and obstacles, losses and grief, and even a handful of people over the last few years who have taken great creative pleasure in trying to destroy 4 years of hard work and dedication, but there is also a whole lot of love, faith, forgiveness and healing, all of which exist at a level that never leaves if I stay present to it.
As I watched www.divinitymovie.com and www.thepowerofmywaymovie.com yesterday, just two of the co-creations with my husband Brent, I was blessed with the reminder of my own words; words that on some level will always mean more to me than anyone else and words that came to me as a gift that I could lean on when I found myself, yet again, in a time of uncertainty.
And as the sun rises into a new day, I look forward to greater understanding of the path I am meant to take. I am blessed with a body that is free of pain. I am blessed with a best friend who also happens to be my husband and songwriting partner. And, I am blessed with five beautiful children, my mom, and a handful of friends who have stuck around as we pursued our crazy dreams.
Could life get any better than this?
Maybe the outpicturings, but when I get real quiet, look inside and connect with my Source, I understand that I have everything I need to be happy - love, faith, forgiveness and healing, a recipe that a lot of people in the world could benefit from.
So, when you look at the news, your bank accounts, or your perceived struggles and losses, find those remnants of love, faith, forgiveness and healing and hold them tight.
And as we observe the tragic events that unfolded yesterday at Virginia Tech, with a loss of 33 young lives and the innocence of a generation, we can pray for love, faith, forgiveness and healing for all of whom have been impacted by the actions of what appears to be one lone gunman in a lot of pain.
And, we can take a moment to give thanks for all that we have, love who we love, tap into our faith, forgive who and what we need to forgive and heal that which needs to be healed. In a complex world, ultimately these are our greatest opportunities. This is HOW we create peace and joy in our lives. It is HOW we move beyond pain and it is WHY, on some level, we all exist.
Love, faith, forgiveness,and healing, topped off with a spoonful of gratitude become our life-lines in the face of tragedies and losses and time and time again, even in the worst cases, they truly become our bridges to joy and peace.
As a community, let us join together in love, faith, forgiveness and healing and be grateful for the blessings we have. Bit by bit we contribute to peace; first in our own hearts and then, if we are lucky, in the hearts of others.
Namaste, Anita
Hello Anita ... thanks for addressing this sad event that weighs heavy on heart and mind ... I so much appreciate your comment ... "all of whom have been impacted by the actions of what appears to be one lone gunman in a lot of pain." ... to acknowledge that the perpetrators of pain are themselves in pain, grows compassion to its highest level in the world ... compassion is an aspect of
Love ... and Love is who we are. Perhaps through compassion we 'grow ourselves' more fully into Love during these deeply saddening events in the world!
Posted by: Beverly | April 17, 2007 at 11:42 PM