Last night I danced alone in the rain, underneath a lightening filled sky, and dared the thunder nation to mess with me. Arms outstretched, I felt my clothing getting heavier and heavier as the rain soaked me to the bone. I raised my voice to the Divine Sacred and felt free of any inclination to be self-conscious or reserved in what I was saying or how I was behaving. The rain became my tears and my tears became the rain. I turned to each direction and sang the most powerful prayer that I know. Actually, it was already singing to me, I just simply opened my mouth so it could be heard. In that moment, I didn’t care who saw me, how I looked, or how I sounded. I was honoring the last sentence in a prayer (in the form of a declaration to pain) I shared with you a few days ago on the blog
“And with the sacred winds and the next blessed rains, may you melt into the earth and be reborn as something more beautiful than you know yourself to be."
After all, it was the first rain since writing the prayer and sharing it with you. The moment I saw the black clouds, I wanted to merge with them; become them in their power, freedom and unpredictability. Even as the last bit of blue sky was overcome by the storm clouds, there was nothing in me that wanted to take shelter or seek safety. In that moment I was neither afraid nor inconvenienced. As the wind ripped through my hair and the lightening lit up the darkened sky, I felt connected and alone all at the same time. In spite of it being Independence Day, I had been silently—secretly--praying for a storm. As lightening struck the ground behind me my husband smiled at me and told me I was beautiful. He didn’t look at me like I was insane, nor was he worried I would be struck by a wandering bolt of the magnificent currents of light dancing in the sky.
All he saw was beautiful.
As I thought of you, I heard myself saying, “Are you ready to dance with me?”
In that moment I was aware of both my power and my fragility. I felt a conviction to no longer tolerate what is becoming more unacceptable in my life experience, especially when it lacks resonance. But even in that conviction, there was confusion. This was the kind of confusion that is painfully aware of how much it fears the consequences of clarity. With clarity comes the impending call to surrender to evolutionary inevitabilities that feel threatening, especially to the ways we have come to identify and define ourselves, our worth and our purpose. In the potential dismantling of what has come to define just about everything (we have all been there) we cling to things that we don’t want to let go of.
Conventional Wisdom Would Say I Have Failed…
I once shared something my brother had told me about business. He said that if someone did not say “yes” to an opportunity to do business with me, whether it was registering for a class, hiring me for consultation, healing sessions or coaching, or giving a financial exchange for something available on the website, that no matter what, it would be the result of only one thing; that I had not communicated the value…or shared my value effectively.
From a spiritual perspective, one that includes surrendering to both a Divine calling and instruction, this is a tough one to reconcile. On one hand, I know that my hard work is not the source of my good, nor the source of abundance, or even my sense of personal value. On the other hand, I live in a world that tells us otherwise. On one hand, I know that my life and everything I have experienced means nothing to most, yet I am aware it means a lot to a few.
I have found myself frequently asking, “Why am I alive?” This is a deeper question than merely asking, “Why am I here?” It goes beyond the foundational importance of being aligned with one’s purpose. Like a sole survivor of a mass tragedy, it is a question that hopes to get to the root of the specific reasons one was spared from death or was granted a miracle. It is a strange and at times, isolating place to be. So much in the world seems irrelevant; wasteful of attention, time and energy. Other things feel obsessively important, regardless of any justification, evidence or traditional forms of support or encouragement.
All I know is that I made a few important commitments if granted the opportunity to truly live again, including teaching Awakening the Healer Within the second I was able. I do not know if you are one of the reasons I am here. What I do know is that I have been prepared in some very creative, unimaginable ways; not just in the last year or two, but throughout my entire life. This preparation has come through some wild and at times, crazy, out of the ordinary experiences, many of which will be shared during the upcoming Awakening the Healer Within Program at www.powerofmyway.com/awaken.html
Hopefully you have also downloaded the audios we shared with you at www.powerofmyway.com/awakeningthehealerwithin.html
No matter your intention or current level of commitment, I hope you truly take them in and receive value in a way that becomes demonstrated in your life and embodied in your awareness…rather than a nice, flowery idea or sentiment lingering in your mind.
Awakening the Healer Within is a journey that is worthy of our collective time, attention, intention and it is the living, breathing application of everything I am honored to share…because I can and because I truly know I was created to offer it. It is an imperative journey for coaches, teachers and healers and life altering for those who are committed to enhancing their lives interacting with themselves, their bodies, pasts, minds, and the world around them in radically different ways.
We begin Monday, July 9th. And, my sense is that the group that is coming together by Divine Appointment has not yet fully formed.
Only you can know if you are one of the ones we have been preparing space for all these years…
If so, reserve your spot today at www.powerofmyway.com/awaken.html
May you be at peace, in love and enveloped in the sacred mystery of your great belonging, Ani